Home > death > Lady repellant

Lady repellant

February 16th, 2019 Leave a comment Go to comments

Hey man! You know, I think it’s great that you got that new job and are finally doing something that’s related to your degree. Muddling along all these years has been a burden on you, but you’ve turned a corner and everyone’s really happy for you. Anyway, you’re 27 and I feel like it’s time we review something that should have come up before now. I kept thinking you’d piece this together on your own, but it seems not, so here it is: your towel rack, friend.

You have one bath towel in the bathroom and no others. I’ve checked your closets and I would have looked in the laundry hamper too, but you don’t have one. In my dozens of visits over here, that same purple towel is always on the rack, and this never deviates. But a dirty little secret no one ever tells you about being an adult is that you need more than one towel. Several, in fact. The reason no one says this is because it’s presumed you can figure this out on your own. Well.

You’ve noticed that on the rare occasions you’ve managed to bring a girl home, she always leaves in the morning, right? Didn’t you even tell me that one got up, seemed cheerful and said she was going to wash up, but then abruptly had to leave after going into the bathroom? Take a hint, man! Ladies can smell immaturity a mile away, and this place reeks. Christ, you don’t even have a hand towel in there. You expected her to dry her hands on the same piece of fabric you dry your balls with every day? Of course she made for the hills!

So, my advice to you is to head over to Target and find the Martha Stewart aisle. Pick up a few of everything and then cycle through them whenever you do laundry. You do do that regularly, right? Actually, never mind. I don’t want to know. One can’t miss item in the towel area of Target is a bath sheet, though. The big one. Use one of those and you’ll never have to use the same part of it twice anywhere on your body after you shower. That would be a true new experience for you, and may even make you smell better, guy.

Categories: death
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.