Home > fuck > Count us out

Count us out

February 14th, 2019 Leave a comment Go to comments

Hell no, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. Why would we? It’s just a made-up holiday that exists to sell people stuff they don’t need and make them feel guilty if they don’t participate. Nothing but inflated peer pressure, often exerted by partners you could do those things any day of the year for, when it would be both cheaper and less needy. The whole thing is a sham, so my husband and I refuse to participate, and not just because he’s a stone.

Not any old stone, mind you. He’s a geode, and a beautiful one at that. But that’s beside the point here. Rock and I have been together for twelve years and not once were either of us tempted to join in with the Valentine’s madness. He likes a quiet night at home as much as I do, and flowers and chocolates aren’t going to add anything to it. Like I said, we could go celebrate our love together at any time throughout the year, so why pick a cold night in February when everyone else is doing the same just because they think they have to?

My favorite thing to do with Rock when we go out is to see a movie (usually a documentary since he’s not great with imagination) and then go to this Italian bistro we both love. I usually find the risotto impossible to resist, and though my hubby is never hungry, there’s a waiter named Dominic there who is always willing to gently tumble him in a napkin at some point for a small service charge. Rock goes wild for the special treatment and you can tell Dominic likes it too. Maybe that’s just because of how much we tip for the special service, but still.

Try going there today, though. There will be a line out the door of couples waiting to get in and pretend to feel extra special by paying a higher rate than usual for food that takes three times as long to arrive. No thanks. They charge you an extra thirty bucks for the tumbling today! Dominic confided to us that it’s never come up, but again, it’s this kind of thing that keeps us home. It’s all just a scam that people fall for every year. It’s much better to snuggle up with your favorite geode lover for a peaceful evening at home. What kind of idiot would think otherwise?

Categories: fuck
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.