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Plot twist in the park

January 16th, 2019 Leave a comment Go to comments

I just proposed to Amy! You don’t even know me, but I have to tell someone. I’ve been working up the nerve to ask for her hand in marriage for weeks, and I finally did it! It took me a long time to figure out how I wanted to go about it, since it was important to me for it to be a memorable experience for both of us, but the execution couldn’t have gone better. Sorry. I’m Rod, by the way.

Most people call me Pretzel Rod though, because of my business. I own that street cart over there and am around the city’s parks most days serving up delicious pretzels for hungry people in need of a snack. It’s how I met Amy, actually. One day I spotted her by the fountain here in Jefferson Park and couldn’t take my eyes off her. I was literally pushing the cart toward her before I even realized what I was doing. Her beauty is that hypnotic.

My heart was in my throat when I asked if she was feeling peckish today, but she just smiled and politely declined. It’s a pretty common answer, really, but I was much more edgy than usual at that moment, and my nervous habit is to make puns. It’s weird, I know, but that’s just what I do. So when Amy said she didn’t need a pretzel, I responded by saying, “Don’t have the dough, huh?” Inside I was cringing! What a terrible joke!

But to my elation, she laughed. I had broken the ice enough that we talked for a few more minutes before she had to go. It turned out she’s around here most days during her lunch hour, and from then on, I made a point to be as well. Business is better around Coretta Park, but my profitability was an afterthought compared to seeing her on a daily basis. Often I was engaged with customers when I’d spy her and couldn’t talk, or she was with a coworker and preoccupied, but I seized every chance I could to flirt.

My nervousness never subsided though, so I kept on with the pretzel puns. “Oh, aren’t you salty today?” “Don’t get bent out of shape on me!” “What a twisted idea!” All the standards. I couldn’t stop, yet without fail, she would chuckle at the cracks, to the point where I actually started crafting them beforehand. That’s what made today so great! I finally got to bust out the one I’d been sitting on for so long when I knelt down before her with the ring: “Amy, you’re just what I knead in my life. Let’s tie the knot!”

Anyway, she said no. Nice talking to you.

Categories: shit
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