Home > shit > Hadad’s lament

Hadad’s lament

January 8th, 2019 Leave a comment Go to comments

It’s just not fair. In any rational universe, I would be loving all this climate change and more frequent extreme weather events. The hurricanes are fantastic and the flooding is inspirational. Did you know that for every degree Celsius that the average atmosphere goes up, its capacity for evaporated water increases by seven percent? Just think what a rain god like myself could do with all that moisture! I get dizzy even thinking about it.

But as a regional god, I’m stuck policing the Syrian Desert of all things. Most researchers today consider it to be the most arid desert in the world, so naturally I don’t have a lot to work with here. I read about the stories from southeast Asia and the world’s vanishing coastlines and seethe with jealousy. What a joy it must be to have such a wealth of material to work with! Instead, I sit atop this plateau all day and watch the locals kill one another in a civil war that can trace its very origins to a prolonged drought. Go figure.

Also, consider that I’m an ancient god and no one even seems to remember me anymore. Yes, the plateau is named after me, but I’ve never heard it spoken with any sort of reverence befitting one as powerful as myself. Well, formerly powerful. No, sometime around the seventh century BCE, all the Moabs started consolidating their gods into one and leaving us specialists behind. I don’t mean to badmouth Yahweh, but you’d think he could spare a thought for the shoulders he’s standing on and throw us a bone or two. He’s just never been the type.

I understand that things are cyclical and eventually I’ll get some moisture to deploy with regularity again. The Gobi Desert was lush as recently as 20,000 years ago, after all. The waiting is awful though. It’s so boring sitting on this rock as the blood soaks into the sand down there, but deeply worrying too. At the rate the other gods are going with the climate, there won’t be any humans remaining to terrify by the time I’m able again. And that really the worst part of everything: not getting to have any fun.

Categories: shit
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.