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December 26th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

I was told the sales were better than this. After all the retail noise and hubbub leading up to Christmas, today is the day the stores cut bait with what they haven’t sold and offer significant discounts. So I was told, anyway. Yet here I stand amongst neglected sweaters and unloved trinkets that appear to have never had any value, let alone an inflated version that would appeal to holiday shoppers. And anyway, my biggest problem isn’t what’s here, it’s what isn’t.

A soul. Damned things are nowhere to be found, not that I’m interested in a damned one, mind you. I’ve already got one of those, and…well, that’s essentially the impetus here. But I can’t locate so much as an overpriced one, or even a used one for that matter! All I see are racks and racks of hideous green and red surrounded by twelve tons of plastic garbage sent directly from China. Nothing that’s of use to me, that’s for certain.

It wouldn’t have to be anything fancy or angelic. I just need a refresher, something that doesn’t feel so old and musty. A spirit that’s not as threadbare as mine, translucent in spots and creaking like a haunted house in the slightest of breezes. Honestly, I don’t even need a replacement. Some minor upgrades would probably do the trick. If I just had a fresh coat of specialty paint for my soul, that may well suffice, but naturally that’s also an item that seems to be out of stock everywhere today, let alone on sale.

You’d understand if you had seen the way Ebenezer looked at me the other night. Granted, waking him up while I was dressed in chains was laying it on a little thick, but once he had accepted he was witnessing an undead version of his former partner, you could see the judgement in his gaze. For as wizened and miserly as he is, he still has an eye for style. It may have been a piercing glare, but through it the obvious gist was a silent tongue-clucking at the appearance of the very apparition sent to frighten him straight. It was as nearly unbelievable as my scourge of miserable retail options today.

Categories: death
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