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Spinning sugar

December 23rd, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

Come closer and take a look, folks. I invite you to scan up and down over both sides of this candy aisle and marvel at the variety of sugary snacks. Amazing, isn’t it? A cornucopia of sucrose and glucose, a parade of chocolate, a festival of faked flavors. It’s nearly perfect, but has one fatal flaw: there’s no fluffy stuff. You know what I mean, ladies and gents? That’s right!

Cotton candy. Those beautiful syrupy clouds of silken delight that no one can resist. But modern shipping standards have rendered wholesale cotton candy sales untenable. It’s simply too expensive to ship that much air, folks. Now I can hear many of your groaning out there, and I share your disgust, everyone. It’s a shame, but the fact is that one serving of that sugar-spun goodness would cost approximately forty-two dollars given the infrastructure costs, so you can see the dilemma.

But fret no more, because I’m here to introduce the Candied Vortex, a breakthrough in the cotton candy conundrum! With the aid of this simple hair dryer attachment and a package of my very own Cotton Candy Concoction, we can save you the trouble of hiring that pesky sugar-fluffing machine and its irritable operator for your daughter’s next birthday! Just think of the savings!

Let me demonstrate. First, you attach the Vortex Extender onto the end of your standard hair dryer, like so. Next, affix the Cotton Candy Concoction packet to the other side of the Extender. Now press the MAXIMUM CANDY button on the Extender’s side and turn the dryer on.

Whoa, right! See that cotton candy spewing out of the package and exploding all over the aisle? You’ll never run out of fun with the Candied Vortex. Just look at those flames! What’s more attention-grabbing than that? Now, who’s interested in taking one of these babies home?

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