Home > death > Slow cooker chicken

Slow cooker chicken

December 22nd, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

INT. UPSCALE RESTAURANT KITCHEN, SUBURBAN CHICAGO, EVENING

CHEF ANTON PIETRO: (addressing kitchen personnel) Tonight our feature dish is a deconstructed chicken scaloppine. Individual hens have been roasting all night, which will be carved into eighths and presented on a shallow bed of Sicilian-style risotto with a rivulet of lemon-and-basil-infused butter running through the center.

SOUS-CHEF NATALIA MIEZE: (aside) Yes, Chef. But we have a problem.

PIETRO: You’re right. (to the room) I forgot to mention the parsley and basil glaze on top. It should be drizzled to look as much like a Pollack as possible.

MIEZE: (aside) No, Chef. It’s the new help. I think they’re…stalling.

PIETRO: (aside) What do you mean? Stalling for what?

MIEZE: (aside) I’m not certain, but it doesn’t seem like tonight’s feature is going to be ready anytime soon.

PIETRO: (to the room) What? Who’s responsible for this? (pointing) You! New sauce station manager! Get over here immediately!

KITCHENWORKER JANICE BROONER: (approaching) Yes, sir?

PIETRO: I’m told our special dish for tonight is not yet prepared! What’s the problem?

BROONER: There’s no problem, sir. The butter for the rivulets and parsley-basil glaze are ready to go.

MIEZE: No, not th-

PIETRO: (pointing) Then you! Making the risotto! What’s gone wrong?!

KITCHENWORKER CARLOS ABDOAL: Nothing, sir. The risotto is ready to serve.

MIEZE: It’s the chicken cooker.

PIETRO: What? (pointing again) You, by the oven! What’s your name?

KITCHENWORKER HELEN HEN: Helen Hen, sir.

MIEZE: That’s her.

PIETRO: What’s the problem over there?

HEN: You’re asking me to cook my relatives.

PIETRO: What’s the matter? Chicken?

[laugh track]
[series cancellation]
[screenwriter fired from a cannon]

Categories: death
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.