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A pointer for budding antiheroes

December 17th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

Okay, everyone. Calm down please. Welcome to your first day at the Villain Academy. I know you’re all anxious to get started on honing your life of evil to its maximal limits, but before we break off into groups, I want to discuss something important. Something that will be one of the most important traits you’ll ever have as a villain. You’ll have your thirst for control, your indifference to human life, and rigorous intelligence, but there’s one other thing they won’t specifically teach you here.

Your laugh. Trust me on this. It can be one of your most defining and memorable characteristics, and can certainly ruin a first impression with the media if you’re unrehearsed. I’ve seen too many graduates go down the “Hyuk hyuk” road and their brand plummets in popularity every time. They never recover in the eye of the public. Your laugh is important, and you should start perfecting as early as possible. I’d suggest one of the following:

“bwaa ha ha ha” – This is a perfect sinister, a laugh that can grow on you over the years as you shift emphasis front the back to the front. A classic.

“HA HA HA HA HA” – Maniacal and piercing, scary. It requires considerable energy to sustain throughout your career, though it’s the most consistently terrifying by a mile.

“EEEE hee hee hee” – A good one if you’re going to be plying your trade in narrower spaces, like alleyways or catacombs. An eerie throwback with great echo quality.

“heh heh heh heh” – Mischievous to the core. Difficult to carry over a lifetime but worth it for the inherent threat in all the breathiness.

“MMwhah hah hah hah” – The height of malevolence, the Vincent Price. This is the perfect laugh that works both loudly and softly, and in all evil situations. Very difficult to master.

I urge you to give this some considerable thought in your free time and work on what fits you best. You’ll all be better villains for it.

Categories: satan
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