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Fire and ice

December 16th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

News: Newly discovered evidence suggests the RMS Titanic was on fire for days before sinking

INT. RMS TITANIC WHEELHOUSE, NORTH ATLANTIC OCEAN, VERY EARLY MORNING, APRIL 15, 1912

CAPTAIN EDWARD SMITH: What’s the report?

FIRST OFFICER WILLIAM MURDOCH: We’ve struck an iceberg, Commander!

SMITH: What of it? I did that on purpose.

MURDOCH: On…purpose?

SMITH: This old girl is unsinkable and I decided to prove it. What’s the problem?

THIRD OFFICER HERBERT PITMAN: Well, Captain, do you remember the coal that was on fire belowdecks when we launched?

MURDOCH: There was a fire belowdecks?

PITMAN: There still is.

MURDOCH: What?

SMITH: Pipe down, Murdoch. White Star’s nearly bankrupt, you know. We had to leave on time, fire or no fire, for their reputation’s sake. Besides, coal burns. It’s just what it does.

PITMAN: Bankrupt?

SMITH: That’s right. You’ll probably be lucky to even get paid for this.

MURDOCH: What??

SMITH: Now what about the coal fire, Pitman?

PITMAN: Well sir, it seems the fire was on the starboard side of the ship, the same side as the iceberg damage. Near the bulkhead, sir.

SMTIH: So?

PITMAN: The heat from the fire weakened the bulkhead and it burst. We’re taking on seawater, and quickly, Captain.

MURDOCH: WHAT!?

SMITH: Damn, that is a shame. This vessel was to be unsinkable, and I believed it. I was even sure to look extra arrogant about that for the newspapers before we left.

MURDOCH: This is terrible! What will we do?

SMITH: Sink, you fool. You and I are going down with the ship.

MURDOCH: What? No, I’m sure there’s plenty I can do to secure a lifeboat, and…

(PITMAN sneaks away)

SMITH: Don’t bother. I suppose the seawater has taken a dent out of the coal fire, at least.

MURDOCH: But surely…

SMITH: All is lost, Murdoch. I can only use my last wish to hope some blowhard egomaniac doesn’t make an awful moving picture about this in the distant future.

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