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Dad talk

December 8th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

Hey, I know you won the beauty contest, and I mean it that I’m proud. Really proud! There was never a question in my mind that you were the most beautiful little girl up on that stage. I know I complained about how shallow it all was and the pettiness of the whole pageant, but still, I was beaming when they announced your name at the end. It’s every father’s dream to witness his daughter be the belle of the ball as the entire room applauds. Sincerely, I’m so happy for you. But you have to take off that sash.

It’s been seventeen weeks, honey. There’s mold along the edges from you showering with it on. I can smell it from here. I’m pretty sure you have a spider living under the part along your waist as well, and those are definitely barbecue sauce stains from grandpa’s barbecue over Labor Day. Of course it was a wonderful accomplishment to win such a frivolous and haughty competition, but honestly how beautiful do you think you can still seem when you look like you just emerged from a dumpster?

And I understand you want people to know about your victory! It’s just that I don’t think that’s what’s catching their attention anymore. Please, I’m begging you. Take it off.

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