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Selling my sole(s)

November 14th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

Everyone’s heard the adages of keeping your feet healthy, how the ends of your legs endure more wear and tear than any other part of your body. Certainly every shoe commercial you’ve ever watched that wasn’t just a bunch of basketball dunks stressed the importance of comfort. There’s gel in the soles! Air bubbles! A hexagonal grid that distributes stress across your feet for a more balanced and healthy stride. There’s always some fancy little diagram or graphic that illustrates this, and without fail, trying to verify the claims therein will lead you nowhere.

Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s all hogwash. Virtually none of the claims that Nike or Sketchers or or Timberland or whoever tell you have any merit in the slightest, but especially the comfort thing. Look no further than these dopes with the “barefoot shoes.” You know, the ones where each of your toes has a sleeve, as if it’s a glove? People sporting those monstrosities will tell you it’s the best decision they’ve ever made, and it’s truly a wonder they can say that without drooling all over themselves from the sheer idiocy on display. Comfort is an illusion when it comes to footwear.

That’s why I’ve created the Gravelsole! Your feet already hurt, so why not double down to make the rest of your body feel better? Made entirely of craggy rocks in a burlap pouch, the Gravelsole redirects energy from all over your body to the pain centers in your feet, which hurt so much you forget about your other pains. Just remove your current soles and bungee our pouches on in their place! Ta-da! Forget about that bum hip or balky knee! The Gravelsole will solve it all!

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