Home > shit > Getting otherworldly

Getting otherworldly

November 1st, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

You don’t need to have been abducted by aliens six separate times to know that they’re real, though it certainly helped convince me. I was an extraterrestrial skeptic for a long time, but by the fourth elaborate probing session, they had won me over. Everyday after the last one, I scanned the skies for those blinking greenish lights whenever I was outdoors, day or night, though especially the latter. No need for there to be a seventh incident, but avoidance just wasn’t satisfying enough. I wanted revenge somehow.

Having done plenty of research on other people’s alien encounters online since my own began, I knew that these things are nearly always reported from rural locations. I grow soybeans in central Indiana, so that was certainly my case, but who ever sees a spaceship land at the corner of Third and Main? They always land in the country for safety reasons, and the lack of witnesses is why those of us who experience it all are never believed. Aliens are highly intelligent and understand that, not to mention crop circles and all the rest.

Which brings me to my revenge: REVERSE CROP CIRCLES!! Two seasons ago I planted my fields in an array of patterns in an effort to throw those bastards off when they survey the landscape. One field is a giant middle finger and another is a mural of the stages of an oral probe. Shining a mirror back at the intruders is the best weapon in my opinion, and my experiences have made me confident in my beliefs. I was sure this was the right thing to do.

And guess what? I haven’t had a visit since. Sure, I lost my acreage after harvesting the soybeans became untenable because of the “erratic crop alignment,” but trust me, that’s all a speed bump compared to those probes.

Categories: shit
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.