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October 13th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

Yeah, I want to return this thing. It’s a piece of garbage that definitely doesn’t work as advertised. Your sign says “satisfaction within 30 days or your money back,” and that’s what I’m here for. Because otherwise this shitbox will end up at the bottom of the ocean, where it belongs, along with every drooling loser it managed to identify.

The first dude it found had glasses so thick I was amazed his puny shoulders could support their weight. I wasn’t even sure if there were eyebrows under there. The second threw his back out trying to open the car door for me, and that was just with his remote key entry! The third ended up in the ER for reasons that are complicated, but ultimately very wimpy, trust me. Ever seen a guy get his head caught in a park fountain? It’s embarrassing for everyone, even the medics.

Anyway, I want a refund. You couldn’t find a good man with this thing if you threw it into a Mormon men’s choir. Never mind the fact that…what? In the wall? Studs are the ones that construct the walls, they don’t live in there, you knucklehead. What kind of an idiot do you take me for? Jesus. Just give me my money back.

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