Home > satan > A well-oiled machine

A well-oiled machine

October 10th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

News: the White House IS NOT in a state of disarray

INT. WHITE HOUSE, ROOSEVELT ROOM, EARLY MORNING

CHIEF OF STAFF JOHN KELLY: (looking at phone) Christ, he’s tweeting again.

SECRETARY OF STATE MIKE POMPEO: I’m not fired, am I? This Saudi thing isn’t looking good at all.

KELLY: What about North Korea?

POMPEO: He still thinks that’s going well for some reason.

KELLY: No, he’s tweeting about how there’s no chaos in this administration. Listen to this shit: “There’s a bromance brewing in the West Wing! Me and the guys are doing our locker room talk and getting along beautifully. THERE IS NO DISORDER IN THE WHITE HOUSE! Everything fabulous!”

POMPEO: You don’t think it is? You know, running smoothly around here? I mean, for m-

KELLY: How can you be so fucking dumb? A “bromance brewing”? I get that you’re still kind of new here, but our guy is an idiot and that article has made us laughingstocks yet again. I’m going to have to get him to cage more children or something to make me feel better.

(PRESS SECRETARY SARAH SANDERS enters)

SANDERS: Good morning, gentlemen.

POMPEO: Morning!

KELLY: (nods) Sarah. Have you seen these latest tweets?

SANDERS: The president is simply speaking the truth directly to the American people, as he has from day one, General.

KELLY: Goddamn it, he’s not in here. You don’t have to talk like that all the time, you know.

POMPEO: Sarah, do you think this administration is hyper-functional, like the president said the other day?

SANDERS: Absolutely. What President Trump is doing is streamlining the country, starting with his administration, down to every last detail for the American people.

POMPEO: I know, right?

KELLY: Christ.

(SECRETARY OF DEFENSE JAMES MATTIS enters)

POMPEO: Whoa, hey Mad Dog! Haven’t seen you in weeks!

SANDERS: General Mattis, this is a surprise.

MATTIS: Is my phone in here?

KELLY: I haven’t seen it.

MATTIS: Okay. (he leaves)

KELLY: Wish I’d ended up with his job.

POMPEO: Where has he been, anyway? I need some advice on this Saudi thing.

SANDERS: He’s been hard at work for the American people, just like the president.

VICE PRESIDENT MIKE PENCE: I believe the Saudi Arabian issue will work itself out wonderfully.

KELLY: (turning around, startled) What the fuck? Have you been here the whole time?

PENCE: Oh, I’m always here, in the background. Watching and listening and smiling.

KELLY: Christ.

(MASSIVE ASSHOLE AND DIPSHIT JARED KUSHNER rushes in)

KUSHNER: Guys! Look at this phone I found in the hallway! It’s, like, military or something! Fucking boss, right?

Categories: satan
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.