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Super recalibration

September 25th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments


(AQUAMAN, BATMAN, ROBIN and WONDER WOMAN sit at a table as SUPERMAN enters)

SUPERMAN: (sitting down) Wow, the whole gang! God, it’s been forever!

BATMAN: Still incapable of being punctual, I see.

WONDER WOMAN: For someone who can reverse the direction of the Earth’s spinning to turn back time, you’d think you would be better at this.

SUPERMAN: Oh, come on. (checks watch) I’m only, what, ten minutes late. Wait, which time zone are we in?

BATMAN: Pacific.

SUPERMAN: Oh, sorry. Anyway, how have all of you been? Aquaman, how’s life treating you these days?

AQUAMAN: Swimmingly.

ROBIN: Hey, Superman. My life isn’t that great. Me and Batman used t-

WONDER WOMAN: Shut up, Robin. Look, let’s cut to the chase, okay? As the original members of the Justice League, I wanted to gather us together once more after all these years to address the growing trend of us becoming overexposed. I feel our original mission of simple crimefighting has ballooned into something almost absurd.

BATMAN: Overexposed? That’s crazy!

AQUAMAN: Yes, let’s not go off the deep end here.

SUPERMAN: There’s a lot of competition for the work out there, Wonder, and more and more of it is going to all these unattractive sorts. Not like you and me, of course.


ROBIN: Actually, I haven’t got much exposure at all recen-

BATMAN: Shut up, Robin! Double Dubs, I may not have had the best public image in recent years, but meathead here is right. The competition for getting noticed is rough.

WONDER WOMAN: Which isn’t what we set out to do. The public has become fatigued by how many superheroes are in the media and can’t even tell us apart anymore, so now we spend all of our time trying to be seen. The moral thing to do is toil away out of the limelight.

SUPERMAN: Come on. How are these hulking biceps flying overhead and saving the world going to go unnoticed? It inspires people and you know it.

AQUAMAN: It does seem to be how the tide has turned these days.

WONDER WOMAN: The point is not that we’re uninspiring, it’s that what we do is more meaningful in small samples. Superman, you alone destroyed half a city trying to engage in an epic battle with a villain not long ago, killing tens of thousands at minimum in the process. How does that help what we’re seeking to do?

SUPERMAN: He was a supervillain. And it worked, by the way.

WONDER WOMAN: Batman, you’ve been in countless media sightings over the years, and have caused enormous damage to your home city of Gotham, never mind the rest of us with your brooding and self-aggrandizement. How many features have you starred in even in the last decade?

BATMAN: I honestly have no idea. I’ve taken a lot of Ambien since Alfred died.

WONDER WOMAN: Aquaman, you’ve concentrated your powers on an ability to dehydrate your opponent, when you have so many other useful traits that are more quietly effective. It’s strikes me as egotistical. I don’t mean to insult you, but it’s how I feel.

AQUAMAN: I understand. Water under the bridge.

ROBIN: What about m-

SUPERMAN: Shut up, Robin. None of this makes any sense to me. Why labor in the shadows when we can instill hope in other people out in the sunlight?

WONDER WOMAN: Because the rumors are better today. Your neighbor’s daughter saw this. So-and-so witnessed that. People don’t trust mass media sensationalism anymore unless it conforms to what they already thought, but they’ll always believe in local gossip, even when it contradicts their biases. It’s possible we’ll prevent fewer crimes initially, but as we inspire hope in communities and help that spread, things will ultimately get better, because we spread it organically. People don’t respond to it the same when it’s on a screen.

SUPERMAN: Huh. Maybe you’re right.

BATMAN: That’s persuasive, yeah.

AQUAMAN: A bottomless spring.

WONDER WOMAN: Thanks, guys.

ROBIN: One thing you didn’t menti-

AQUAMAN: Put a cork in it, Robin.

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