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Smokey the Bear opens up

August 24th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

Hell, I know it’s bullshit. I do. But at some point, your brand is your brand, you know? People don’t trust an abrupt change in messaging, even if it’s sincere. Stupid as it may sound, New Coke taught me that. What a debacle. I don’t need some identity crisis like that hanging over me at my age. No one thinks about me that much anymore, so to step back into the limelight now, only to deliver a statement that undermines what made me famous, simply feels pointless.

I mean, yes, you CAN prevent some forest fires. Of course you can. Don’t smoke that cigarette carelessly surrounded by a thicket of dried underbrush! Pour water over that campfire before going to sleep or packing up! Maybe commit that arson somewhere else, like a warehouse or something! But there’s a lot you can’t do, especially these days, with the climate spiraling out of control like it is. Rainfalls are too inconsistent and it gets worse every year. The fires will keep raging.

It breaks my heart to watch my beloved woodlands suffer like this, yet what can I do? I’d be laughed out of the room if I pitched a new slogan. Only the older generations have any solid memory of me, and again, my brand is solidified in their minds. Changing gears would merely invite confusion and probably anger. It’s not like anyone even makes PSAs anymore, and if they did, no one would pay attention to them anyway. Honestly, I don’t think people pay attention at all these days. Certainly not to forest fires, unless one is on the verge of consuming their house.

So where does that leave me? I wish I knew. I’m on Twitter, but some kid manages that for me and I don’t even know my own password. All of that social media stuff just seems ridiculous and I guess that’s my point. The blazes have gotten worse while the times have outgrown me. Or maybe it’s the other way around, and I’ve outgrown my usefulness for the moment. I don’t know. None of it seems good though. I long for the return of hibernation season, but you’ve got sleep with one eye open these days. I’m just so tired.

Categories: death
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