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The ear farm

August 19th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

Don’t act like it’s so weird. You’re here, aren’t you? Because you can’t hear? Ha, h…right, sorry. But that’s my point. Our business is to cater to precisely your need: replacing that missing ear and restoring your auditory experience. What we do here is grow the ear transplants on trees to match your unique need, down to the skin pigment, and then graft your perfect fit onto your head. Easy peasy. Genetics are amazing these days.

Please, if you could keep your voice down. I know it’s very exciting, but our crops are particularly sensitive aurally, and we don’t want to upset the grove. It tends to…well, anyway. We were discussing your situation. It looks like you’re in the market for a left ear, something in the caramel range of hues. We can exaggerate the earlobe if you want to be symmetrical. Again, if you can please not talk so loudly. I only was observing that your right earlobe is abnormally droopy.

Hey, take it easy. I’m just trying to help. Anyway, if you follow me this way, over here are the leftie trees that are in your skin color spectrum. I think you’ll find something to your liking within this stand. Some of our oddest specimens reside here, so your odds for freakishly distended earlobes are maximal. Whoa, whoa! Not so loud! You’re upsetting the entire farm! Calm down!

Oh no! This has started a tree tinnitus tsunami! Can’t you hear the ringing throughout the forest? Can’t you… (exhale) How did you end up in this story anyway? Even I can see you actually have two ears. What are we even doing here? This whole thing is just some dipshittery constructed by an idiot that we’re all doomed to follow. But what could happen next?


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