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Meeting prep and practice lines

August 1st, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

Listen: I haven’t done any cocaine in years and even if I had I wouldn’t be dumb enough to do it right before our extremely important meeting with our biggest client where the slightest bit of a fuck-up could spook them from their next order and overextend us and possibly even take down the company and it’s frankly a bit insulting that you would insinuate such a thing and create this friction half an hour before we go in like you want me to fail while we’re in there or something because I’m not nervous enough already. I did snort lines for a while there when I got anxious about something but that was back in college and was always during finals week when I needed to stay up late cramming anyway so it served a purpose there too and most people always thought it was weird that the coke would make me feel more relaxed instead of hyping me up but that’s just how I’ve always been even though it’s true most people get glassed as hell and start yammering up a storm like lunatics and they’re such dead giveaways but not me nope never. There was this one time when some of my frat brothers and I got so wasted on the stuff that we thought we could fly so we all climbed up onto the roof of our building that was three stories tall and dared each other to jump off until this guy Mook did it and broke both his legs and ruptured his spleen which kind of ruined the fun for a while there and oh yeah but of course this was definitely the night before a big test because like I said I only ever did it to calm down and focus and that whole roof thing was just us blowing off some steam in the middle of a study session because it’s not like any of us ever had a problem or that two of the other guys ended up overdosing two years later so that’s just crazy to even suggest since it absolutely didn’t happen that way at all. But anyway once you finish that muffin we should probably get over to their building so we’re not late for the big meeting because that would sure look bad maybe even worse than me being so nervous and speaking of that I do need to go back to my room one last time before we leave because I uhh forgot something like my good luck charm yes right my good luck charm that’s my uhh toothbrush that I take with me everywhere because it has magical powers or whatever and no I’m not hungry this morning at all for no reason I’m sure but you enjoy yours since it looks like this hotel’s continental breakfast is pretty good which is not something I or anyone else normally says what with how garbage these usually are with their brown bananas and gooey eggs and stale cereal and greasy sausages and whatever else they serve like yuck you know? What do you mean you think it would be better if I didn’t go to the meeting because then there won’t be anyone there to explain how the back end of our software works and they might be confused though I guess you’re right that maybe that would all be too overwhelming for them today and I really am nervous and missing my hairbrush quite a lot right now and you can probably get them through the basic points anyway because you’ll just be following the Powerpoint slides and I’m mostly here for tech support and no wait I meant to say toothbrush not hairbrush yes the magical toothbrush but you can always just say I got sick this morning with these sniffles or something like that if anyone asks and you’re right I’m sure it will go fine and maybe even better without me so I wish you the best of luck and if you need me just call since I’m going back to my room now and I won’t be able to fall asleep since I’ll be uhh brushing my teeth again so I’ll see you later and definitely don’t worry about me because again I haven’t touched cocaine in years.

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