Home > death > Healing our wounds

Healing our wounds

Ladies and gentlemen,

We live in divided times, when so many Americans are angry with the state of our country or a percentage of its citizens to the point of hostility. We exist in a moment that threatens to rip our communities apart with mistrust and hatred. This is a period in history that can take us down one of two paths, where we either tear our historic nation to the ground, or rise above all of our differences and face the future with bravery and unison. I believe our only way forward is the latter, and so it is with great honor and excitement today that I am announcing my bid for the United States Senate.

I have been reluctant to take this step in the past, despite some urging on from some of you, because I’ve always felt the time wasn’t right for me. But I can no longer abide by that position when we are facing such polarization amongst ourselves, and this moment is too large for me to ignore. I’ve long prided myself on serving as a city council member and local food bank volunteer, but today demands more from each and every one of us, and so I am seeking a higher position, where I can make the most difference of which I am capable. The future for us and our children is too important to wait.

Now, I imagine many of you are thinking the same thing, which is “why should we elect Clyde Pollyroth to the Senate?” It’s absolutely a fair question, and one I’ve spent many nights rolling over in my head while deciding if I should form a statewide campaign or not. Can I do a better job than other potential candidates? Would my ideas for moving the country out of this period of divisiveness be more promising than differing ones? Would Senator Pollyroth sound kind of funny, and potentially be one of those names like Inhofe or Schumer or Flake that you always remember, but for the wrong reasons? The answer I’ve arrived at, friends, is “yes” to all of these thoughts, possibly excluding the third one.

The reason I believe this? Well, folks, I’m a bit of a history buff, and I’ve been reading a lot lately. This is not the first time America had tried to eat itself from the inside out, and it won’t be the last. Yet there was one time in our relatively recent past that the entire country pulled together for all of our betterment, a time when people worked side by side for the common purpose of a better America. An America that would lead the world onto a brighter future, bridging our own divides to do what’s right. An America that works, internally and externally, because we are truly one united, UNITED! States of America!

The time I speak of, naturally, is World War 2, when we as a nation were all truly equals, united in pitching in together to ward off the evils of the world. And it worked! America was beyond amazing after that experience, when we so bravely carried the beacon of hope! So I now propose, as a candidate for the United States Senate, that that same America, united America! …initiates World War 3!

How better to unite our nation once again than to be at war with everyone?! How better to mobilize every single citizen to preserve our freedoms?! How better to shed the hatred of today and morph into a compassionate, multi-cultural, unified community? To kill everyone who’s not American, of course. It’s our only path to unity! I’m Clyde Pollyroth, and I’m running to become a U.S. Senator! Please register to vote and text WW3YEAH to 9037643 to learn more! God bless America…and nobody else! Good night!

Categories: death
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.