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Monsters Anonymous

INT. CHURCH BASEMENT, NIGHTTIME

FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER: Welcome again, everyone. How are we feeling this evening?

YETI: Terrible! No one even believes I exist! It’s so demoralizing.

LOCH NESS MONSTER: Brother, don’t get me started.

BIGFOOT: Seriously.

YETI: Yo, fuck you, copycat! You just stole my act and took it to North America!

BIGFOOT: I’m an original, man. I’ve got my own take.

YETI: You fucking assh-

BERNIE SANDERS: GENTLEMEN DO YOU NOT REALIZE THE ELITE ARE TO BLAME FOR YOUR PROBLEMS? IF ONLY WE HAD FREE COLLEGE AND FREE HEALTHCARE AND FREE PARKING AND FREE LUNCH AN-

LOCH NESS: Dude, you need to chill. This is a friendly place.

SANDERS: HOW CAN I CHILL WHEN WE LIVE IN A PLUTOCRAC-

(WEREWOLF IN LONDON enters)

WEREWOLF IN LONDON: Sorry I’m late. The tube was a regular Picadilly Circ-

FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER: Okay, okay, everyone. Let’s just calm down. Yeti, maybe we should explore your demoralization some more. Why do you think you feel that way?

YETI: I’m lonely as hell, for one.

FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER: And why is that?

SANDERS: BECAUSE SOCIALIZATION ISN’T SOCIALISM, WHICH IS THE BETTER W-

YETI: Yeah, that. And roving the Himalayan wilderness hasn’t exactly helped.

BIGFOOT: That’s nothing compared to the Hudson Bay.

YETI: Buddy, one more word, and I’ll fucking k-

WEREWOLF IN LONDON: OOOWWW-OOHHHHHH!!

LOCH NESS MONSTER: What’s demoralizing is that people don’t think we exist.

SANDERS: THE RIGHTS OF UNION LABOR IS WHAT DOESN’T EXIST, AN-

FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER: I think we may be done here.

BOOGIEMAN: (rushing in) Sorry! I was trapped in the closet!

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