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Sesame script


DANIEL NG: Okay, everyone. I’ve got a good one for us!

CARLINA GOMEZ: It’s not another origin story, is it?

NG: Uh, well…

ANDRE BERRY: Damn it, Dan! Is that all you ever pitch?

NG: No, I always try to get the producers to listen to a wide variety of storylines, but origin stories are big right now.

MEGHAN LOMBARD: But we just finished the spec for the Jolly Green Giant Movie, and before that was the Rosie the Riveter one.

XAVIER SULLIVAN: Don’t forget the California Raisins.

NG: Look, I can’t help that this is what audiences are currently responding to.

GOMEZ: Solo just bombed at the box office and that was a fucking Star Wars movie!

NG: Well, producers can be slow on the uptake. Anyway, yes, it’s another origin story, but it’s at least an interesting subject to profile. Oscar the Grouch!

LOMBARD: From Sesame Street?

NG: Of course! Sesame Studios is looking to branch out and has hired us to write something clever about where he comes from.

BERRY: A hairy green dude living in a garbage can? What’s to write?

NG: Come on, Andre! You guys are great at this! I got pretty choked up when we found out how Rosie got that kerchief she wears on her head.

SULLIVAN: That was a good scene. Okay, fine. So where does Oscar come from?

GOMEZ: And how did he end up living in a garbage can?

LOMBARD: Maybe he was a CEO who fell from grace.

BERRY: Or a drug addict who squandered everything.

NG: I don’t think that one’s going to fly with the Sesame people.

SULLIVAN: What about a slumlord who used to live over on Sunflower Street before his tenants all banded together to sue him for negligence, which left him penniless?

NG: Better.

LOMBARD: So he moves over to Sesame Street, where no one knows him, and takes up residence in a garbage can.

GOMEZ: All of which leaves him deeply embittered, hence his new name of Grouch. Maybe he used to be Oscar the Grand.

SULLIVAN: The slumlord?

BERRY: I still think he should be hooked on drugs. Look at his buggy eyes! Come to think of it, all those Muppets look like they’re fucked up on something.

NG: Sorry, Andre, it’s just not going to fly. Maybe the story arc could be something where he starts out as Oscar the Grand, but throughout the movie loses more and more of himself in exchange for more power, which ultimately falls apart too.

GOMEZ: So Citizen Kane for kids.

NG: No, not really. Kane doesn’t lose everything. I mean, himself, yeah, but he still at least has wealth in the end.

LOMBARD: Right, and then he dies in misery. Subtract the death scene and Carlina’s right. We’re just ripping off Welles here.

NG: Sure, but he’s as dead as his famous character, so who’s going to complain? I think it could work.

SULLIVAN: We open with Oscar’s with humble beginnings, th-

LOMBARD: Maybe he grew up in a garbage can, which isn’t going to help him cheer up later.

SULLIVAN: Right! Then follow his rise to mayor, where he begins his cycle of personal destruction, and then trace his downfall. He loses his friends, he loses his girl, the buildings he owns go to hell, everything falls apart.

BERRY: Man, you have all that and no drugs?

NG: I’m beginning to see your point, Andre.

GOMEZ: This is so depressing for a children’s movie! We should really end it on a high note, but there’s nowhere to go with it.

NG: Don’t worry. I secured a sequel too.

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