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The Motherfuckers Club


DUANE: I’m just saying, we always get frozen out today.

JOHN: Yeah, but it’s the same every year. It’s Mothers Day, not Motherfuckers Day. Who cares?

DUANE: Who cares?! The entire Motherfucking mission is to sexually satisfy mothers the world over. How aren’t we invested in today?

DOC: Right? I was up all night with Caroline last week!

JOHN: Same for me with Susan. And we are Motherfucking invested. But today’s for them, not us.

PETER: Actually…

DUANE: I’m not demanding flowers, I just want some Motherfucking acknowledgement! I didn’t get invited to Lynn’s family’s brunch.

JOHN: Part of being a Motherfucker is getting shit on, buddy.

DOC: I don’t think Caroline would ever…

JOHN: Not literally! I just mean, we’re not what’s important today. Big deal.

DUANE: It is! To me, anyway. A big Motherfucking deal.

JOHN: You need to get over it. You’re just a crutch for a woman who needs an outlet. All of us Motherfuckers are.

DUANE: Bullshit! I’m an integral part of Lynn’s Motherfucking life!

JOHN: Maybe, but to expect her family to revel in it too is ridiculous.

PETER: Actually…

DOC: Hey, I’m sorry to break character, but are there any more juice boxes upstairs, Duane?

DUANE: Christ, can’t you get through one of our sketches without interr-

DUANE’S MOM: (from up the stairs) What are you boys talking about down there?


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