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The limits of the law

News: Rudy Giuliani throws Trump’s legal team into disarray

INT. MINUTE MAID PARK BROADCAST BOOTH, EVENING

LANCE WILLIAMS: Okay, we’re back to start off the fourth inning between Kansas City and Houston. Astros lead 3-1.

MIKE PORTER: Verlander is really dealing today.

WILLIAMS: And for the top of the inning, we have a special guest in the booth. It’s former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani! Welcome, Mr. Mayor.

GIULIANI: Thank you very much. It’s great to be here.

PORTER: What brings you to Houston, sir?

GIULIANI: The space center. I’m the President’s lawyer, you know.

WILLIAMS: I’ve read that. It’s been three weeks now, I think?

GIULIANI: That’s right.

WILLIAMS: Here’s Alex Gordon, who struck out looking in the first.

PORTER: Is President Trump planning a new space initiative or something?

GIULIANI: I couldn’t say. He’s bad with details.

WILLIAMS: A swing and a miss from Gordon.

PORTER: Did you see that breaking ball from Verlander? Impressive deception from the veteran.

WILLIAMS: He’s off to a hot start. But why send his lawyer to Houston, Mr. Mayor?

GIULIANI: Because it has a very nice space center that handles a lot of communications with outer space.

WILLIAMS: That we do. Pitch runs inside. Count is 1-1.

PORTER: So he is doing a space initiative of some sort.

GIULIANI: Well, nothing is illegal in space, I can tell you that much.

PORTER: Sorry?

WILLIAMS: Here’s the pitch, and Gordon lines a bullet to Altuve at second. One out. Did you say that nothing’s illegal in space, Mr. Mayor? Is that true?

GIULIANI: I haven’t practiced law since the days of Reagan, but it was true then. I assume nothing’s changed in 30 years.

PORTER: This is certainly a new one for us! May I ask why that matters, sir?

WILLIAMS: Here’s Escobar, who hit a fly ball to the warning track in his first at-bat.

GIULIANI: I’m merely saying the President has the right to murder a porn star in space. It’s out of everyone’s jurisdiction.

PORTER: I…

WILLIAMS: The pitch is low, ball one. Mr. Mayor, I have to ask: are you suggesting the President is going to murder someone in space?

GIULIANI: In the future? Certainly not! But past deeds in space also aren’t illegal. So those can’t be prosecuted either.

WILLIAMS: Escobar pops it up in foul ground. Retreating is Bregman, who stumbles a bit, but makes the catch. Two out.

PORTER: Um. Past deeds, sir?

GIULIANI: I suppose it was going to come out sooner or later.

WILLIAMS: That brings up Mike Moustakas, who doubled down the left field line in the first.

PORTER: What was going to come out?

GIULIANI: The seven porn stars President Trump killed in space. Back when he owned those rockets with Trump Shuttle.

WILLIAMS: Ball sails high. 1-0. Wasn’t Trump Shuttle an airline?

GIULIANI: That’s not what he told me.

PORTER: And I don’t remember Donald Trump ever going into space.

WILLIAMS: Sinker in the dirt. Duffy falls behind with two balls and no strikes.

GIULIANI: Celebrities and people of wealth go to space all the time.

PORTER: Huh.

GIULIANI: It’s true. George Clooney’s probably there right now.

WILLIAMS: And Moustakas gets under a changeup, a high arcing ball that stays in the infield. Correa’s calling for it and makes the catch for the third out. Well, it’s been a pleasure having you here, Mr. Mayor.

GIULIANI: You mean we’re done? I don’t get more time?

PORTER: Usually guests are only here for a half inning.

WILLIAMS: But I suppose we could make an exception for you. We’ll continue this discussion right after the break, folks.

GIULIANI: Good, because I still want to explain a couple of things about how international waters work.

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