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Extra innings

April 15th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

BEELZEBUB STADIUM, 8TH RING OF HELL, SECTION 308, ROW B, 2034 C.E., DAYTIME

POL POT: Bases loaded. If Shoeless Joe gets a hit here, the Imps can win.

ADOLF HITLER: He’s going to strike out and you know it.

POT: I don’t know. He’s looked pretty good at the plate the last few innings. I think he’s got this pitcher figured out.

HITLER: You’re an imbecile! The Imps load the bases in the bottom of every inning and never score. We’ve been here for decades!

POT: I think today’s Joe’s day.

HITLER: Christ.

(DONALD TRUMP enters)

TRUMP: What a shithole this stadium is. I would have built a much more beautiful wall in left field.

HITLER: Oh, it’s you. About time, I suppose.

(Shoeless Joe Jackson strikes out looking)

POT: Come on! That was obviously low!

HITLER: I told you.

TRUMP: I would have hit that one out of the park, no question.

HITLER: So, Donald…you’re not…surprised to be here? This is the 8th circle. Kind of an elite club.

TRUMP: No. I’ve licensed hotels on the third, fifth and seventh rings already. Lucifer is an outstanding individual. It’s a disgrace I’m not in the ninth ring.

HITLER: I hear you there.

POT: Ooh! There’s the hot dog guy! Over here! Over here!

HITLER: There’s no meat in those. How don’t you remember this?

POT: (to hot dog guy) I’ll take two!

TRUMP: (to hot dog guy) I’ll have three.

(hot dogs are distributed)

POT: There’s no meat in mine.

HITLER: No shit.

TRUMP: I have meat in mine.

HITLER: (glancing over) No you don’t.

TRUMP: Fake news.

POT: Why are the Fiends bringing in Ty Cobb to pitch?

TRUMP: These players are terrible. What a disgrace.

HITLER: Maybe I’ll throw myself into the lake of fire again. What inning is it?

POT: The 437,458th.

TRUMP: I’ll come with you. My inaugural crowd was much bigger than Obama’s, you know.

HITLER: Scheisse!

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