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Watching the skies


(Johnny enters)

MARIA: Hi honey! I was just fixing a snack for you. How was school toda…wait. What is that on your head?

JOHNNY: Tin foil.

MARIA: This was some kind of game you were playing on the bus, or…

JOHNNY: No, it’s to keep them from reading my thoughts.

MARIA: Them? Who do you mean? Your teachers?

JOHNNY: No, Mom. Them.

MARIA: Well, that’s silly. Here, have this sandwich. I cut it diagonally, just the way y-

JOHNNY: The only way I can stop them from hearing my thoughts is with this hat.

MARIA: Honey, no one can hear your thoughts. Now take that silly thing off and eat th-

JOHNNY: Then how did the Tooth Fairy know I lost a tooth when I didn’t tell anyone?

MARIA: Because that’s the Tooth Fairy. She can, um, hear your teeth falling out.

JOHNNY: That’s not what Dad said. He said she won’t know unless you wish on it.

MARIA: Well, she still kn-

JOHNNY: I didn’t wish on it.

MARIA: Please take off the hat, Johnny.

JOHNNY: I need this hat! They can hear me! The Tooth Fairy’s just the start!

MARIA: Honey, honey! Please calm down, okay? Your father noticed that your tooth had fallen out and that it was under your pillow when he tucked you in last night. He didn’t say anything to you about it because he thought it was manly for you to keep it to yourself, which is just the sort of thing that machismo ass would think, as if we’re molding you out of marb-

JOHNNY: So what? I didn’t wish on it. The Tooth Fairy can hear my thoughts.

MARIA: (taking a deep breath) The Tooth Fairy isn’t real, Johnny. It’s something we tell you to make the idea of losing your teeth less strange, I guess. I don’t know. Your dad and I are the Tooth Fairy.

JOHNNY: And now you’re covering for her?

MARIA: What? God, how can you be so cynical at seven? I’m trying to be honest with you, an-

JOHNNY: Have you been reading my thoughts too? How deep does this go?

MARIA: Johnny, please. This sandwich is your favorite. Please take off the hat and sit down.

JOHNNY: This is a conspiracy! I wouldn’t be surprised if this goes all the way to Santa Claus!

MARIA: (yelling into other room) Dad! You have to stop this with him!

GRANDPA BOB: (offstage) Bush did 9/11!

Categories: satan
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