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From Russia with love (NO COLLUSION)

Yo, did you see the New Yorker profile of Christopher Steele and his infamous dossier? Those Russians, man! They had a hand in freaking everything during the 2016 election! It’s so insane. You have to read the article!

You know the way you type in any health symptoms you have into Google and the first result is always “cancer”? The Russians. Or how you can briefly research a hand-sized vacuum just once and you’re bombarded with banner ads for DustBusters and Dirt Devils for the next six months? Totally the Russians. What about when your aunt posts crazy racist shit on her Facebook page about the “urban warfare” in Chicago? Well, that’s just because she’s a racist lunatic, but who’d she hear it all from? Her sewing circle friend, “Jane”? Try again, Aunt Dottie. “Jane” is Svetlana, a Russian cyborg, run by a Twitter troll in St. Petersburg. It runs DEEP, man.

And it’s not just computers! The way your fridge’s crisper drawer always seems to do the opposite? Yep. The one spot in the lawn where the grass simply refuses to grow? Yep. How you can’t get the theme song from Cheers out of your head? That’s right. Your dog’s mange? Bingo.

It gets worse! The president knows about all of this and almost certainly did something shady with Russia to help his campaign, never mind all the money laundering before that and the kompromat they have on him! He’s obviously guilty of so much, and the legal noose is tightening. He’s clearly unraveling, and fast. Look at this!

Trump tweet 2
Trump tweet 1
Trump tweet 3

Fucking Russians, man. It doesn’t look great.

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