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News: Virginia Passes Bill to Allow Dogs in Wineries and Breweries

“…it will allow companion animals inside and on the property of a licensed winery or farm winery, brewery, or distillery.

Most animals fall under that category, except for agricultural animals, game species or research animals. The animal has to be unlikely to result in contamination of food, food contact surfaces, or food packaging materials. Right now, only guide or guard dogs are allowed.”
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Hello, everyone. First, let me just say that while this is a tremendous victory for our cause, the fight for equality is not over by a long shot. Many of our fellow animal kin were omitted from this legislation, and of course entry into breweries and wineries is the not endpoint of our goals. The road ahead of us remains lengthy and arduous, but today’s bill passing is a tremendous reminder that we are making progress and this is a battle worth fighting. With that, I’ll happily field your questions. Yes, Mary?

Well, as I’ve said before, we forged our strategy for entry into alcohol-related businesses first because it was, frankly, low-hanging fruit. As noted by the humans who lobbied with us for this bill’s passage, many of our fellow animals already work in support of these locales and ensure their success, so denying our entry into those establishments was a particular slap in the face. Factor in that drunk people love dogs and our case was obvious. The fight will not end here, naturally. Our next goals include entry into churches, sporting events and movie theaters. Thank you. Okay, next…Charlie?

No, I think it’s fair that they’ve imposed some restrictions still, such as the language surrounding coming in contact with food and food packaging. Most of us would agree that these are somewhat ridiculous lines to draw in the sand, but we do need to respect that the humans still have their concerns, never mind legal hoops to jump through regarding existing regulations, and we need to respect that. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but rather in increments. This bill is a step forward toward our larger goals, which include overcoming the restrictions in this particular law. Thanks, Charlie. Yes, Bessie?

Now, just a minute. I certainly think that’s an unfair characterization of the restrictions, and our intention has never been to “whoop it up at the expense of agricultural animals,” as you put it. To reiterate, this is the first step of many, and we will absolutely be working to remedy… No. That’s simply not fair, Bessie. I have no doubt it’s a serious concern for you and your Dallas Morning Moos readers, but I am not a bovinist and neither is anyone in this organization. We care about our cattle friends and neighbors as much as any other species, and will not rest until all of us have equal rights under the law. Okay, n-

Bessie, I’m not sure that… Well, okay, but… LOOK! You don’t need to snort at me like that. Spin this however you want to, but the humans aren’t buying it, and convincing them is how we win these damn things, okay? Bessie, I… Wait. You’re not suffering from bovine spongiform encephalopathy are y-

JESUS CHRIST BESSIE PLEASE SPARE ME OH GOD MY LEGS AH AHHHHHHHHH

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