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Curry cravings

January 29th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS MEETING, NIGHTTIME

ROBERTA: Good evening, everyone, and welcome. It’s wonderful so many of you braved the snow tonight to attend. And I see many new faces here tonight as well, so a special welcome to all of our new attendees. The only announcement that I have to make before we start is that the coffee machine is broken again.

(groaning)

ROBERTA: I know, I’m disappointed too. But we can’t seem to keep that pesky rat from climbing into the water chamber, and the many of you complained of the muskiness of the coffee when we chose to ignore the issue, so for now, no coffee. You’ll have to bring your own. Okay, onto our meeting. Who would like to share something with the group?

KEVIN: It’s been a rough week again.

ROBERTA: Thank you, Kevin. What have you been struggling with?

KEVIN: Well as usual, I’ve been craving cocaine every waking hour, but I was good and didn’t do anything more than snort a little baking soda I found in the office fridge. What bothered me the most though was this sandwich I had last Tuesday. The bread was really dry and…

ROBERTA: Good for you for resisting the urge to use this week, Kevin. I think we can save the sandwich story for later once others have ha-

ANGIE: I didn’t make it through the week like him. I never do. Perpetually relapsing.

ROBERTA: Ah, a newcomer! Thank you for sharing…?

ANGIE: Angie.

ROBERTA: Thank you, Angie. I’m sorry to hear of your recent trouble, but we are all here to support you and build you back up.

ANGIE: It’s hopeless. I can’t stay away from it.

KEVIN: …mean, like formica almost. How bread could ever end up…

ROBERTA: It’s certainly not hopeless!

WALTER: It is, though. What’s the use? I’m a junkie too.

ROBERTA: Another new face! Thank you for speaking up, but we do not encourage negativity here. It’s important for us all to remain positive for each other as well as ourselves.

WALTER: I just can’t quit though. I can taste it in my sleep.

ANGIE: Oh god, me too! Wait, have I seen you there before?

WALTER: I was just thinking the same thing about you. Yeah, constantly.

ROBERTA: I’m sorry. We’re really not supposed to get into too many specifics here if we can avoid it. The “anonymous” in our name is a lot easier to maintain if we’re not discussing specific drug dens where we may bump into each other.

KEVIN: …why the mustard and mayo would be mixed together in the first place, but it made the bread slide right off…

ANGIE: Drug den?

WALTER: Hey lady, do we look like smack heads to you?

ROBERTA: Of course not! I meant nothing by it, just that s-

ANGIE: We were talking about the Kashmir Kitchen. We both go practically every day.

WALTER: I usually go multiple times a day. Up to five.

ROBERTA: I’m terribly sorry. It just sounded like it was a place where you were both using.

WALTER: Yeah, exactly. I can’t stay away.

ROBERTA: In the bathroom or something?

ANGIE: What? Who eats in the bathroom?

KEVIN: …me in the nose because of the mess on his shoes. Anyway, now the sandwich was open-faced…

ROBERTA: I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be asking this. But what is it that you do at this restaurant?

WALTER: I eat the curried cumin potatoes by the bucketful. I’m addicted to cumin.

ANGIE: Mine’s paprika. I can’t stop licking if off the tops of the little dishes of raita. I’m insatiable.

ROBERTA: You’re addicted to…spices? I think there’s been some kin-

ALSHON: Coriander.

ROBERTA: Another new face! And you…sorry?

ALSHON: I even freebased it once.

WALTER: Been there, man.

ANGIE: For sure.

KEVIN: …but I couldn’t remember ever seeing marbled turkey before…

ROBERTA: You’re all addicted to Indian spices? I don’t think yo-

DIANE: Tumeric.

ROBERTA: …belong here. This is not the group for you.

ANGIE: I don’t see how we’re so different.

CONNOR: Cardamom.

WALTER: Just because it’s uncommon means it’s invalid?

ROBERTA: Of course not. It’s just that this is…unusual. I’ll need to think a-

(door opens)

PETE: Roberta, I’m sorry I’m late. There was this huge crowd at a new Indian place around the corner, and I have all this leftover chicken jalfrezi…

(80% of the room perks up)

ROBERTA: Pete, this may not be the b-

PETE: Why’s everyone stari-

(Pete is lost in a sea of onrushing bodies)

KEVIN: …which was all fine, actually. It’s just that I specifically requested no pickles, but they went ahead…

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