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Doing time

January 8th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

Hi there. Welcome, welcome. Thanks for being on time. Still raining out there? Uh huh. Yes, I can see that it is out of that window. Heh. Just small talk. I’m Burt, by the way, the weekend branch manager. Hmm. Yes. *cough*

Well. Anyway, here at the community library, we can always use extra help. There are lots of little things to do, you know? This and that. And what are the big things in life other than a bunch of little things added up, right? Heh heh. Right? Heh. Yes, well.

Hmm. So, how did you end up having to perform so much community service? Oh! Sorry. I’m not supposed to ask that. Heh, oops! Never mind, forget I said anything. Hmm. Huh. *cough* Probably drugs, right? I mean, 150 hours? Hmm. Geez, touchy. What? Yes, fine. Sorry.

I guess it could be theft or something instead, but you don’t look the type. Heh. Okay, okay. Sorry. Anyway, there are lots of things to take care of around here, but I’ve got an interesting one for you today. It seems someone stole the speed bump from the parking lot last night. Weird, right? Who steals a speed bump? Wouldn’t have been you, would it? Heh heh. No, I suppose… Hmm. Okay. Sorry. *cough*

Well. So, I’m going to need you to lie down out front and replace the speed bump. What’s that? Yes, I understand. You don’t have to raise your voice. This is a library, remember. See, the fact is children and the elderly are chief amongst our weekend clientele and we can’t have vehicles just cruising through the crosswalk unheeded. It’s an important job. Hmm. Well, I’m not sure I trust your expertise on what’s legal and what isn’t. Confusion over that is why you’re here in the first place, after all. Heh! Heh heh. Ah, yes. Hmm. Fine, fine. Yes. I will. Hmm.

And look, the rain has stopped. Lucky you. God loves a sinner, eh? Heh heh. Okay, okay. Sorry. Geez. *cough* So. Off to it then, right? Don’t worry, most people will drive around you. You’re easy to spot. What? Hmm. Well, I was referring to that shirt, but it’s true that your considerable size is a factor in your general visibility as well. Hmm. No, I didn’t say fat. For all I know you’re just hiding some of our books under there! Heh! Heh h…okay, sorry. I know. Sorry. Just get outside and lie down on the driveway between the entrance and the crosswalk, okay? Thank you.

*cough*

You’re still a smooth operator, Burt. Heh heh. Yes. Hmm. But it’s probably drugs.

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