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Salmon heads

January 7th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

(pictured: Carmen, top, and Sammy, bottom)

CARMEN: (eyes bulging) I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you.

SAMMY: (frowning, sighs) I know.

CARMEN: We’re headless because of you.

SAMMY: Bodiless, actually.

CARMEN: (wide-eyed) Damn it, Sammy!

SAMMY: (looking sad) Headless would probably be easier.

CARMEN: You’ve got to get us out of this. Now!

SAMMY: (continues frowning)

CARMEN: (bug-eyed) NOW!

SAMMY: (emo-like) I can actually remember when I hatched from my egg. Psalmonistrists say that can’t happen, but I swear I remember. Growing up, I was the only one who realized we lived in a hatchery, that we weren’t in control of our environment at all. No one listened to me. Ever. Except for you, Carmen. (frowns)

CARMEN: (glaring like a T-Rex) Damn it.

SAMMY: I’m sorry we’ve lost our bodies.

CARMEN: (sighing/hyperventilating) Pfffftth. It’s okay, Sammy. You were the only one who was ever kind to me after I was mauled and narrowly escaped that grizzly. You were with me when I was completely shunned by the shoal. I guess all those scarred parts of me have been amputated and sold as filets now, though.

SAMMY: (depressed) I still love you, Carmen. But we’ll probably end up in different soups.

CARMEN: (eyeballs distending) I sure hope so, Sam. All your tears will make yours way too salty!

(laugh track)

(raucous applause, presumably)

Categories: death
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